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Relationship Advice April 2007
Jenny.My girlfriend and I have been talking about engagement for a few months. The problem is, I don't really know anything about engagement rings. I want it to be a surprise, and I don't know how to get the right size and something she loves. Can you help me out? Thanks, Ring Confusion
Does your friend have a BFF or GBF you can trust to keep a secret? If so, I'd recommend taking them along on a covert shopping mission. Your girl has probably described her dream-ring in great detail, so that would be a good place to start. If there is no one you can ask for help, my advice would be to keep it simple. A solitaire can ALWAYS be reset. If your girl is really picky this might be the best route to go. That way she can pick out a setting that she loves. But beware that settings can get pretty pricy, so remember to budget for that too. If you are dead set on trying to pick the ring of her dreams and proposing with it, then take a look at her other jewlery. (Does she like classic stuff? Funky? Vintage?) Make a note of the type of metal she prefers. (Does she tend to wear gold or silver?) Pay attention to the hints she drops. Most girls on the verge of getting engaged will find ways to clue you in about the ring they want.
And here's a sneaky trick for getting her size!
Get some silly putty or play-do or some other clay-like substance and make an impression of a ring that she wears on her ring finger. You can take it to the jeweler and they should be able to get the size from your impression. Good Luck with the engagement!
I'm a gay man. In your experience hanging out with guys, do your suggestions also work for attracting the same sex?
Definitely! Gay or straight, we are all humans and basically looking for the same thing... someone who will pay attention and treat us with respect. The best way for ANYONE to attract a respectable mate is to just be the best version of yourself you can be!!! Play up your strengths. Minimize your weaknesses. Be confident and have fun with it.
Jenny. I don't understand how to talk to my wife when she is angry with me. It seems like nothing I say is right, and if I don't say anything it's even worse. What am I doing wrong? Sincerly, Lost for Words
Dear Lost for Words
Ah, the angry female... she is an allusive beast. Speaking from my experience, the worst thing you can do when dealing with a pissed off woman is to tell her to calm down.
We hate being told what to do... especially by someone we are mad at. So if you are trying to talk to her and you are just not getting anywhere, its best to look her in the eye and say something like "I'd really like to work this out, but we aren't getting anywhere. Maybe we should discuss this again when we've both cooled off a bit." This way you aren't telling her what to do or blaming her for the situation, and it gives you both some time to gather your thoughts. You are also acknowledging that there is a problem that needs to be discussed.
Make sure she knows that you do care about solving the problem and that you are not just trying to walk away from the situation. I think for a lot of men, the first instinct they have when dealing with an angry woman is to run for cover. Its best to stand your ground and try to work it out like an adult.
If you have done something that she has a genuine right to be mad about, then apologize and give her room to breath. Try to make it up to her somehow and don't make that same mistake again!
If she is being completely irrational (i.e. blaming you for things you have no control over, getting physical), you have the right to call her on it. Try to be a fair fighter and expect her to do the same.
And remember, we are emotional creatures, and sometimes we just need to blow off steam. We aren't always looking for a solution to our problems. Sometimes just a shoulder to lean on is enough to make us feel better.
I hope this helps!